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whitjer29
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Name: Becky
Interests: Humanity, theology, ethics, philosophy, being, and The Office.
Expertise: I know a lot about Alias - does that count?
Occupation: Grad student attempting to stu
Message: message me
Member Since:
4/1/2005
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| Here's a picture of the young adult community I run with. Don't we look like we're having fun? (The motto of The Institute of the Incarnate Word, which is the order of priests that Fr. Franco and Fr. Gaston are a part of, is "From feast to feast to everlasting feast"! So, I guess that answers my question :)
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| Here is an awesome quote straight out of my syllabus for my Faith and American Culture class:
"In the long run all that is not done through Love and for Love must invariably end by being done against Love. The human being who denies his nature as a created being ends up by claiming for himself attributes which are a sort of caricature of those that belong to the Uncreated" - Gabriel Marcel, Man Against Humanity
I think that is profoundly simple and yet completely true. The truth is so beautiful. Sometimes I just marvel at the fact that God is good. He didn't have to be, and yet, the deepest reality is that truth, beauty, and love are the ultimate realities. This is astonishing. And any and all things that have some tiny facet of these things are a reflection of our Creator, because all truth is God's truth. The reality of my life is that God is closer to me than I am to myself. What does one say in the face of this mystery of love? What does the child who has spent his whole life in the desert say when taken to the edge of land and shown the ocean? It's not a mystery because it is utterly dark and hidden; it is a mystery because how could one possibly know and comprehend every detail of the expanse of the sea? I think God is like that. He has shown us His human face and opened to us the divine glory of our inheritance. And yet, how can we possibly know the depth of the Father's love for us?
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| Well, its been a while since I've updating this thing. Part of why is I
always want to have something profound to say, and either that hasn't
been happening for a while, or perhaps I've realized that I'm not as
profound as I used to think I was :) At any rate.
Life these days finds me at grad school, diligently studying some crazy
awesome, mind-blowingly difficult stuff that matters more than most
things I've ever thought about before. The degree is "Theological
Studies in Biotechnology and Ethics", which is a fancy way of saying,
'Our world today is suffering from such a degree of confusion as to the
true nature of being that we've ended up seeing our own ability to
comprehend nature as supreme. Thus, creation is not, as simple-minded
ancients like Plato and Aristotle thought, something greater than
ourselves to be rightly marveled at. Rather, it is ultimately
fragmented bits of matter that can be taken apart and manipulated
however we so desire. Thus, we ourselves can do anything we can
conceive of without any regard to the proper order of things. So, if we
want to make hybrid embryos or attack the 'dignity' of human life in
anyway imaginable, what's it to you? After all, this is a liberal
democracy. We're free here in America. Free to do whatever we want, so
long as we compartmentalize our lives and keep certain things
private.........' Basically, my degree is a response to this
attitude. I probably will have more enemies than friends if I ever try
to use it. But I think that's Ok. I think its worth it. | | |
| One of the great things about being Catholic is daily mass. It's so awesome - the chance to go to church everyday, and sit and pray in the presence of Christ. It is so quiet, especially if I go early in the morning. To me, there is something very right about a family of believers that seeks the Eucharist as its source of daily strength.
I feel most at home when I'm in church. Especially if I've just come from the hospital. Sometimes I'll fall asleep in the pew while I'm praying. Maybe that's really bad, but St. Therese of Lisieux did it, and she also said that God is pleased with the small things. What can be smaller than a tired yet trusting child, falling asleep in the father's lap? After mass, many people will stay to pray for a long time. To me, it is one of the most beautiful sights in the world - a silent church, candles flickering, soundlessly offering up the continuous prayer of someone's heart; with all kinds of individuals - young and old, men and women, scattered throughout the pews, in silent prayer and thanksgiving of the One who has just given His very body for them.
Often I'll go to mass or adoration with a list of prayer requests. Dozens of names, several situations, a handful of doubts, and always that looming question of one's vocation and the will of God. More often than not however, I find myself unable to even begin the list; I can't seem to make it past "God, thou art all good and deserving of all my love". Praise God for the psalmist. We are emotional creatures, undulating in a sea of our own limited experiences. The Psalms give words to our passions, words that we can trust will direct our minds and hearts toward heaven.
At the end of the day, I frequently reflect upon just how insanely busy life is. Often I don't even remember what I was doing. But taking the time to be still, to wait upon the Lord, to acknowledge the reality that I am too weak to even stand without Him; this time is a great gift. It is, maybe, the closest we can get to a true transformation of time this side of eternity.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some stuff to do.... 
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| I know I haven't written anything in, well, 9 months, I suppose. One reason is that in that time I quit my job, went to Italy, moved to DC, got a new job, and started in with a new church, new friends, new school, etc. Its a legitimate reason. However, honestly, I think the real reason is that I feel like I don't have anything to say. You know how you go through periods in your life when you feel like you're learning all sorts of things, have this desire for knowledge and growth, and feel led to act and do; but also you have those periods when you're more just, well, being? Listening, thinking, taking it all in, without any real specific conclusions? I think I've been the latter for a while now. But I'm finding it more and more frustrating, because I don't feel like I'm making any progress. I look back at last year and see all that I was learning and doing - and compared to now, it seems that all I have these days is piles of questions and confusion.
Another difference between then and now is time. For the last few years now, I've had a lot of time. Spent a lot of time alone, thinking, reading, just me and God. I was kinda a loner, and even lonely sometimes, and I almost liked it, because that's how I grew closer to the Lord. These days, so many of my prayers have been answered, and the blessings in my life are so incredibly abundant that I don't have much free time left - and I don't know how to handle it. I practically miss being lonely sometimes. Its completely absurd. But I think I just got so used to a certain way of living and spending my time, that I don't know how to grow spiritually unless I'm alone.
I was asked last night what I did with my time off from work. The answer is that I sleep, and when I wake up, I feel like I play catch up with all the things I'm behind on - laundary, grocery shopping, bills, cleaning - then most days I go to mass or at least somewhere to pray; but when I get there, I go numb. I am so overwhelmed by life, I can't even bring myself to engage the questions that matter about decisions, people in my life, the future, even just working to know myself and know God's will for me. It boggles my mind. I'll pray for these things systematically, but really all I have the energy to do is just thank God for everything. It could be worse, I know, going to pray and spending the time just thanking and loving God; but in a way it is bad. I feel like I'm dropping the ball in so many ways. I need to keep going forward. Discern the next step. Answer questions that really need to be answered. I'm not sure if the solution is as simple as taking more vitamins, or as confusing and complicated as reexamining my core beliefs.
So anyway, that's what's up with me these days... :)
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